On my mind today...

I have had a great and tiring week. I just read Jason's blog post about wanting to be cool...guilty...i tend to want to fit in a lot. I have honestly had a hard time especially with my new job at Ruby Tuesdays with not just fitting in. I find myself swearing and stuff. not like big swears other than when i get upset or very stressed out. However, i don't want to default to sin I don't want to do this stuff, or do I? I am having a Pauline struggle here. I wish that when i got stressed out, when my defenses got stripped, i could see a deep good within myself. The fact is i don't. It makes me wonder if my faith is real or if i am putting on a face of faith.God, help me to be deeply real in my faith. wow...this is pretty honest. But yeah, i have also been feeling incredibly lonely as of late. It is difficult having standards and not just taking cheap hook ups. I really wish tht God had someone in my life right now who i could fall in love with and have it mean something. But he isn't doing that...which sucks. i don't want to just settle for something to ease loneliness. that is weak and ungodly. but it gets so difficult. but in the en i love my life. I am thankful for the one God has given me. I am so wonderfully in awe that i get to live this life. Thank you Jesus, Help me o live a life worthy of my calling and live up to that which i have already attained in Christ,